direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
