how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
