I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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