Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
