no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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