Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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