Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize