Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
