After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
