the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Enjoy the penises
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how does that bad decision feel?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize