Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
