im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
