Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
