How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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