Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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