Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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