I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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