i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
