dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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