you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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