I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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