just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
