dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
