isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize