i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize