dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
its not stalking. its research.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
