Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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