everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
