remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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