What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
