I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
