So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
