you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He passed out mid-signature
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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