omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
