if you like me you must not know who I am
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize