Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
