Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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