apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
