tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am available for nakedness
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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