The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
