dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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