do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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