You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize