1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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