I want to make a zoo with you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
