He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
