My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Say something about gay babies.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
