so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
