i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
