You're so nebulous sometimes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
