if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
