i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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