I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
NoShamevember. You game?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
