question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
