i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
