I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
