I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
