Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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