Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
