Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
