I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
