I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am midnight drunk by noon
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
