I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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