Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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