Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.

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(714): View more from California

Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.

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(417): View more from Missouri

i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.

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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(812): View more from Indiana

I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.

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(309): View more from Illinois

she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it

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(406): View more from Montana

Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...

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(314): View more from Missouri

I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.

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