no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The air was thick with penises
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize