You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
