it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
