We're facebook friends in real life
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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