Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
