I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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