Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
