Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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