and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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