I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
