didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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