im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
