Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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