someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
