Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
