Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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